


By My Side

by cupofgenmaicha



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, a little self-doubt and relationship doubt, it's really just mostly soft, soft showki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 03:12:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16547762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupofgenmaicha/pseuds/cupofgenmaicha
Summary: Kihyun thought they were on the same page, but as time ticks by, it is becoming glaringly obvious that his boyfriend isn’t going to say ‘I love you’ to him.





	By My Side

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: "Showki AU / Kihyun is sad because Shownu never said 'I love you' to him, even after months of dating. He then realizes his bf tells him that everyday by little actions...Offering the last snack, giving Kihyun his jacket, telling him he did a good job at a interview etc" via the [Monsta X Fanfiction Request Forum!](https://mx-requests-forum.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I hope the requester is happy with the fic!
> 
> ***Please do not repost my fics! Thank you!***

Kihyun wakes just as dawn breaks; there’s a crack where the blinds hover above the windowsill and light slants through it, a slash of illumination through the otherwise dark room. He’s in Hyunwoo’s room again, so different from the apartment he shares with Hyungwon and Minhyuk, best friends since art school. Once a humble bachelor pad, it’s now dressed with splashes of Kihyun—his shirts hanging haphazardly over the chair in the corner, a framed picture of Hyunwoo kissing Kihyun on the cheek celebrating 100 days together, an extra soft blanket on the bed for when Hyunwoo is working late and Kihyun accidentally falls asleep, craving his body heat. 

He snuggles back into the warm chest pressed into his bare back, sighing contentedly.

“Good morning, baby,” his boyfriend murmurs into his neck, voice deep and rough with sleep.

No matter how many times he’s woken up with their legs tangled together under the sheets and Hyunwoo’s warm hand splayed on his belly, he still feels a little flutter under his ribcage.

Kihyun grew up passion-driven and motivated, pursuing photography rather than a traditionally sensible career in finance or as a government worker. Even now, with his name known in the art world and as co-owner of an art gallery with Hyungwon, he’s still hungry to push his own boundaries and others’ perceptions of art.

On first glance, with his dull designer grey suits and shiny black shoes, Hyunwoo looks like any other straight-laced businessman—a man living so far outside Kihyun’s social bubble that he would normally never have given him a second thought. They met six months ago, during the post-holiday slump. Snow and sub-zero temperatures kept most patrons away from the gallery, but Kihyun was there perched on a stool, sipping from a steaming mug of tea and flipping absent-mindedly through a cooking magazine, waiting for the weather to calm down before locking up and walking home. He perked up when he heard the bell chime, but immediately dismissed the idea of a sale when he saw a tall man in a business suit and wool coat, rubbing his hands together, in an attempt to soak up some heat spewing from the gallery’s measly heater.

Most casual guests initially walk right past Kihyun’s collection of pictures, immediately drawn to Hyungwon’s bold, vibrant pieces and his eye for beauty. Much to Kihyun’s amazement, the man stayed anchored in place, eyes transfixed to Kihyun’s photos. “Wow,” he said, voice a rich timbre, too loud for the quiet space. 

He left that dull December day with an entire wall of photographs as well as Kihyun’s phone number.

With other boyfriends, the relationship burned bright and burnt out quickly, leaving Kihyun with nothing more than a mild headache and a ready sigh.

But Hyunwoo has forced Kihyun to slow down and let life roll up his spine slowly. Kihyun never had ambitions to settle down with someone, always afraid of the stagnation it could bring, but his fear quickly dispelled after one touch from Hyunwoo made his entire body hum—and six months later, it still does.

“It’s time to get up, hyung,” Kihyun nags gently as he tries to wiggle free from Hyunwoo’s arm. “You have an early meeting this morning, remember?”

His boyfriend grunts in protest and tightens his hold around Kihyun’s slim frame, nuzzling his neck with his nose. Kihyun can imagine the pout on his lips. “Five more minutes.”

Kihyun turns around in his grip and settles his cheek against Hyunwoo’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart beat. He sighs, knowing that he should throw off the covers and force the day to begin, but it’s so nice like this. “You have thirty seconds.”

Hyunwoo sits up with an exaggerated groan, brown hair sleep-mussed and falling into his half-closed eyes, and he presses a kiss to Kihyun’s temple. “Rest a little while longer, baby. I’ll get the coffee brewing.”

“I’ll get up.”

“No,” he shakes his head fondly. “Let me take care of you.”

Kihyun is about to protest, but decides to roll his eyes and humor his boyfriend by resting for another few minutes, before sliding out from under the warm covers and padding barefoot through the apartment, the wood floor cool against his feet.

With a mug of fresh-brewed coffee warming his hands, he joins Hyunwoo in the bathroom as he finishes shaving and pats his face dry.

“Are you ready for the gallery showing tonight?” Hyunwoo asks as their eyes meet in the mirror.

Kihyun nods. “Hyungwon is meeting me early to finish hanging the black and white street shot series.”

“I can’t wait to see it tonight, Ki.”

Kihyun bites back a pleased smile and lightly scolds, “You can’t buy any more of my pictures. You’re running out of walls.”

Hyunwoo hums, but there is a sparkle in his eye, and Kihyun knows that his boyfriend will do anything he damn well pleases.

“Can you pick out a tie for me, Ki?”

Whenever Kihyun sleeps over, he ties Hyunwoo’s tie before work; it’s completely unnecessary and if his friends knew about it, they would never let him live it down, but he loves the domesticity of it, sitting on the counter, legs straddling Hyunwoo’s hips; loves how soft Hyunwoo’s eyes are when he waits patiently for Kihyun to tighten the knot; loves the sharp inhale he hears when he pulls on the tie a little harder and presses their lips together.

They leave the apartment together and Kihyun steals another kiss before they part, leaving Hyunwoo glued in place on the busy street corner, rubbing his flushed neck and grinning bashfully.

/

Photography has been a constant in Kihyun’s life ever since his grandmother gifted him her old film camera. Through trial and error, he learned to focus the lens and capture the shot; then he learned how to distort reality into something different—something worth seeing. Mystical. Surreal. That’s how his photography has been described again and again by critics. But Hyunwoo had called it breathtaking, how Kihyun can spot a splinter of beauty amongst the vast ugly spaces of life.

Kihyun looks around the gallery, eyes drawn to Minhyuk’s freshly painted mural that imbues the once sterile white space with a sunniness that is rarely found in the stuffy art world, but Kihyun takes pride in being unique, their small space offering Seoul something a little different. Next to the mural is a window overlooking the tiny courtyard garden—a pleasant oasis hidden within the city’s concrete and steel—it is lush and verdant, a watercolor painting after the afternoon’s rainstorm.

“You can’t drink the champagne, Hyungwon,” he chastises as he unlocks the front door. “The guests haven’t arrived yet.”

“That’s why I’m drinking it now before it’s all gone,” he sasses back before downing the flute of champagne and grabbing another.

Soon the gallery is full of patrons dressed in summer dresses and light suits. The air is cranked on high to combat the heat and humidity filtering in every time the door opens.

Kihyun watches Hyunwoo arrive out of the corner of his eye as he secures another sale. His boyfriend waves shyly then hovers in the background, nursing a glass of champagne as Kihyun continues to work. 

Hyungwon catches his eye and smirks, jutting his chin in Hyunwoo’s direction. Kihyun glances over his shoulder and finds Hyunwoo’s eyes glued to his ass, unabashedly checking him out. 

“Be discreet,” he mouths silently, cocking an eyebrow, biting back a grin when Hyunwoo’s ears turn red. 

Near the end of the evening, with the gallery relatively empty, he feels strong arms envelop him and Hyunwoo’s chin hooks on his shoulder. “I think this is your best showing yet,” he murmurs near his ear. “I’m really proud of you, Ki.”

Kihyun smiles and leans into his embrace, feeling buoyant after selling many of his pieces and simultaneously rooted by Hyunwoo’s solid supportive presence in his life. Something warm bubbles in his chest and he turns around to face Hyunwoo, who is gazing at him like he’s the center of his universe—and he feels a little brave, a little vulnerable.

“I love you, hyung,” he whispers.

First times are an intoxicating mixture of exhilaration and dread—and this is a milestone first for them. He feels his heart beating rapidly in his chest as the seconds tick by and he waits. 

Hyunwoo leans back a little as he processes the words, eyebrows raised and lips separated around a surprised gasp, then he grins widely, eyes turning to crescent moons as they do when he’s particularly happy.

Hyunwoo leans down and kisses him chastely, murmuring against his lips:

“Thank you.”

Like Kihyun had just taken out the trash or washed the dishes.  The words don’t settle well.

The gallery showing was one week ago. For seven days, those two words have been simmering, curdling in his stomach. 

“If you’re going to pretend like you’re not reading the magazine, can you at least do that while sitting next to me and stop looking over my shoulder like a creeper?” Kihyun gripes, mood black and stormy, turning the page a little too harshly and accidentally ripping the paper.

Hyungwon pulls up a stool next to him and watches him silently for a few moments, lips puckered in thought. “Anything you want to talk about?

“I told my boyfriend that I love him,” Kihyun answers through gritted teeth, words in a rush and cheek smushed into his palm, not putting up a fight when Hyungwon succeeds in swiping the magazine.

“Oh, wow! That’s big news.”

“And he said ‘thank you’,” he continues robotically.

“Oh.” He catches Hyungwon’s grimace out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah. This is why I prefer cats over boyfriends.”

Kihyun mutters a swear and whacks Hyungwon on the arm, but his lips pull up into a small smile.

Hours later, he locks up the gallery and sprints through the light drizzle to the subway then runs down the stairs. It’s Hyunwoo’s birthday and Kihyun made reservations at his favorite restaurant. He squeezes into the train just as the doors close and stands squished between other commuters. He listens to classical music in an attempt to block out the bodies all around him, but his mind drifts, dissecting each moment of his relationship.

He thought they were on the same page, but as time ticks by, it is becoming glaringly obvious that his boyfriend isn’t going to say ‘I love you’ to him.

_What if he made a mistake by expressing the sentiment too early in their relationship?_ _What if Hyunwoo doesn’t love him at all?_

He tries to close his eyes against the thought, but it gnaws at him and he feels an ache bloom purple and green like a bruise in his chest.

He shakes his head, trying to regain his composure before facing Hyunwoo again.

Even as Hyunwoo kisses his cheek and places a warm palm on his lower back as they walk through the restaurant to their table, he can’t seem to shake the feeling that this could all be one-sided.

Dinner is quieter than usual. Soft candlelight glows between them and Kihyun eats silently, only answering with murmured one word responses when Hyunwoo tries to spark up a conversation.

He startles when he feels Hyunwoo’s thumb brush gently over his knuckles. “Are you okay, Ki?” he asks, eyes open and warm.

Kihyun’s breath hitches sharply and he opens his mouth to explain, to clear up the mess that has been swirling inside himself seeking relief. 

Instead, he tries to shake off the feeling as he hands Hyunwoo a small black box wrapped in silver paper.

Hyunwoo opens the box and looks down at the stainless steel watch in wonder.

“Your name is engraved on the back,” Kihyun says, smile dampened by the idea that this may be the last birthday they spend together. 

His boyfriend leans over the table, pressing a kiss to Kihyun’s lips. “Thank you, Ki. I love—” Kihyun’s heart jumpstarts, pulse whooshing in his ears.

“—the watch. It’s perfect,” Hyunwoo continues quietly, voice earnest.

Kihyun’s heart drops and something shutters inside him; he doesn’t care about the watch anymore. The happiness that has settled into his body over the past six months is unwelcome now, pushed aside by a choking sadness. 

He just wants to go home.

Hyunwoo walks him to his apartment in strained silence, and after a weak goodbye, Kihyun walks through the door without a backward glance.

/

“None of these shots are working!” He throws his hands up in exasperation and decides to back away from his camera before he throws it against the wall out of frustration.

He feels lost, like there’s a piece of himself missing. He hasn’t seen Hyunwoo since his birthday, making up lame excuses to get out of facing him and the glaring knowledge that his boyfriend still hasn’t opened up to him or reciprocated his feelings.

Kihyun feels a prick of hot tears scratch the back of his eyes and he blinks it away. He slogs home, muscles weighed down, burdened by a sadness that seems to follow him.

A knock on his apartment door wrenches him from his foul thoughts and he opens it mindlessly, expecting one of his roommates to have forgotten his key.

He never imagined that it would be Hyunwoo standing in front of him, dressed in ripped jeans and a worn grey sweatshirt, shifting nervously from foot to foot, and holding a box of pizza.

They eat in awkward silence and Hyunwoo rubs his chin nervously. Kihyun catches his eye once or twice, but he isn’t ready to talk about it, to face what could possibly be the end.

Kihyun sprawls on the couch, full stomach churning with apprehension, but he leaves room for Hyunwoo to snuggle up behind him. Despite himself, he relaxes into Hyunwoo’s arms, their familiarity a salve and he pushes his fears to the back of his mind for now, cherishing this moment of closeness.

Kihyun clicks between channels until he lands on a cheesy romance drama that he’s been more or less keeping up on.

_I love you_ , the male lead says ardently—and it’s corny and dramatic, but it still makes Kihyun feel a little gooey inside. He looks at Hyunwoo, whose face is now scrunched up like he’s going to barf.

“How can you watch this, Ki?” he asks incredulously as he tries to steal the remote. “There’s got to be something better on.”

Kihyun stuffs the remote under the couch where Hyunwoo can’t reach and sniffs petulantly, “I need to live vicariously through them since my boyfriend doesn’t know what romance is.”

“Romance, huh?” He can feel Hyunwoo’s smile against his neck, then in an instant he’s flipped onto his back with his boyfriend hovering above him. “That’s what you want?”

Kihyun nods solemnly, biting his lip to keep from smiling.

“Then that’s what you’re gonna get.”

And he tickles Kihyun mercilessly until they’re both a laughing mess.

“I’ve missed this,” Kihyun breathes, feeling some of the ache ebb away.

“I’ve missed you,” Hyunwoo admits quietly, thumb rubbing over Kihyun’s cheek. “Do you really want that—” he tilts his head toward the television, “—like that guy in the drama?”

Kihyun shrugs and sits up, eyes glued to a spot beyond Hyunwoo’s head. He feels tense again, jittery.

Hyunwoo hums in understanding then is silent for a while, as he tends to be when he’s thinking. “‘I love you’ is nice to hear, but I don’t want to just say the words to the person I love,” he pauses as he brushes a fingertip over Kihyun’s ring finger, allowing it to linger there, warming the skin. “I want the other person to feel it.”

Then it clicks—and Kihyun sucks in a sharp breath because he does feel it, radiating from the man sitting next to him who has never wavered. Hyunwoo’s love is quiet, but steadfast, and when Kihyun stops to listen, he hears it all around him, woven delicately between their laced fingers and breathed hot into the dips of his collarbones.

When Hyunwoo texts him about a new song he’s discovered and includes more emojis than absolutely necessary because he’s excited for Kihyun to listen to it, or when he orders chocolate cake to share even though he prefers vanilla—Kihyun knows. 

The knot in his stomach dissolves and he giggles until he’s breathless, feeling ebullient and light—and later when his knees hit the edge of the bed and Hyunwoo kisses his navel, his lips burning praises and promises and vows into his skin, eyes glimmering with the kind of adoration and tenderness that makes his heart swell to the point of bursting—he thinks, if this is what loving Hyunwoo feels like, then everyone else can keep their dramatic _I love you’s_.

When they’re warm and sated, a tangle of limbs about to drift off to sleep, Hyunwoo brushes the hair out of his eyes and kisses him so gently that his stomach flips anew—and Kihyun whispers into his chest:

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out much softer than I originally planned hehe~
> 
> Thank you so much for reading the story! Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!!


End file.
